Fate hates me
I'm turning 30 in 2 weeks, yes folk 2 FREAKIN WEEKS!! Crap. And while I'm pretending I dont really care about the whole process, it still has me befuddled. It's been one crazy merry-go-round for the last 10 years worth of birthdays and for once, I would like one, just one to be nice and quiet and not have any dramas attached. Come on, am I fated to just have crap continually happen on my birthday?
20th: Took day off work, woke with huge hangover after imbibing too much port with father the night before. Went into work for my 'morning tea' where they had a yoghurt cake. Hung over: yoghurt cake. Do the math.
21st: Guy I'd gotten engaged to 6 months previously dictates who can and can't come to my birthday party at my parents place. None of my friends were invited, they all seemed to be people he was trying to impress. I didn't care, my parents were cheesed, him and I fought really badly, I spent the day trying to work out how to break up with him.
22nd: Newly single, sisters decided to have a punch on, got in trouble for calling one sister a bitch and slapping the other one. Cows.
23rd: New boyfriend in town, he took me to Stanthorpe for a great weekend away. Ok, so this one wasn't a shit one. We broke up 3 months later, mutual decision and I talk to him still to this day.
24th: New boyfriend, invited him over for bbq at my parents place. My little sister farted on him. I kid you not.
25th: Heap of friends over for bbq at my folks place. Little sister got shits and drove off in a huff in her 4wd. Almost collided with a carload of my friends turning into my parents driveway, narrowly injuring/killing them.
26th: Arriving in Sydney airport after honeymooning in Veitnam, sporting worst flu in the world. Got pulled up by customs, missed our plane to Brissie, new husband declares he doesn't think he loves me.
27th: Fought with husband at swanky restaurant in City. Went to bed cranky.
28th: Moved into my own place that day, no husband in sight. Was taken out for dinner with new friend who also paid for my entire family to come along. Sister and her boyfriend bagged restaurant, the friend I was with, and left early citing 'crap night'. Brother's girlfriend drank too much, was sick.
29th: Flat stony butt broke but living in my own place. As a surprise, Mum and Dad paid for new boyfriend (who had just moved in) and I to head to Stanthorpe for the weekend. Spent way too much, had a blast, froze our butts off. Ok, this one was ok. However little sister did whinge that her boyfriend wanted to take her there but has now decided against it since we stole his thunder. Did I mention the trip was a surprise and we had no idea till the day before we were due to leave?
And now 30th. My parents are planning a bbq at their place for me, I'm too scared to invite people over in case my sister a) farts on them, b) crashes her car into them, c) makes said friends think that I am related to a neanderthal bitch and should be pitied and never seen again. Personally I would prefer her not being there but that isn't up to me to decide. So something is going to happen that night, I know it.
Can I just postpone my birthday or cancel it altogether?
20th: Took day off work, woke with huge hangover after imbibing too much port with father the night before. Went into work for my 'morning tea' where they had a yoghurt cake. Hung over: yoghurt cake. Do the math.
21st: Guy I'd gotten engaged to 6 months previously dictates who can and can't come to my birthday party at my parents place. None of my friends were invited, they all seemed to be people he was trying to impress. I didn't care, my parents were cheesed, him and I fought really badly, I spent the day trying to work out how to break up with him.
22nd: Newly single, sisters decided to have a punch on, got in trouble for calling one sister a bitch and slapping the other one. Cows.
23rd: New boyfriend in town, he took me to Stanthorpe for a great weekend away. Ok, so this one wasn't a shit one. We broke up 3 months later, mutual decision and I talk to him still to this day.
24th: New boyfriend, invited him over for bbq at my parents place. My little sister farted on him. I kid you not.
25th: Heap of friends over for bbq at my folks place. Little sister got shits and drove off in a huff in her 4wd. Almost collided with a carload of my friends turning into my parents driveway, narrowly injuring/killing them.
26th: Arriving in Sydney airport after honeymooning in Veitnam, sporting worst flu in the world. Got pulled up by customs, missed our plane to Brissie, new husband declares he doesn't think he loves me.
27th: Fought with husband at swanky restaurant in City. Went to bed cranky.
28th: Moved into my own place that day, no husband in sight. Was taken out for dinner with new friend who also paid for my entire family to come along. Sister and her boyfriend bagged restaurant, the friend I was with, and left early citing 'crap night'. Brother's girlfriend drank too much, was sick.
29th: Flat stony butt broke but living in my own place. As a surprise, Mum and Dad paid for new boyfriend (who had just moved in) and I to head to Stanthorpe for the weekend. Spent way too much, had a blast, froze our butts off. Ok, this one was ok. However little sister did whinge that her boyfriend wanted to take her there but has now decided against it since we stole his thunder. Did I mention the trip was a surprise and we had no idea till the day before we were due to leave?
And now 30th. My parents are planning a bbq at their place for me, I'm too scared to invite people over in case my sister a) farts on them, b) crashes her car into them, c) makes said friends think that I am related to a neanderthal bitch and should be pitied and never seen again. Personally I would prefer her not being there but that isn't up to me to decide. So something is going to happen that night, I know it.
Can I just postpone my birthday or cancel it altogether?
posted by Rom at
11:48 am
9 Comments:
Oh no! What a horror run of birthday crapness - i know this isn't the worst one, but my favourite is the one where your sis farts on your boyfriend! But, if it is the one I think it is, then he deserved it.
I hope that your 30's more than make up for the shite of your 20's. And you know what, that sister ain't gonna change, so she is probably gonna act like a goat on your birthday. Turn, and walk away - nothing you can do but be fabulous and rise above it.
By
Anonymous, at 2:33 pm
The same sister also sat on my current boyfriends lap 2 Christmases back (we'd only been dating for 14 days) and farted on him too.
She has no class, decorum or shame! Did show that she was only full of hot air. :-D
By
Rom, at 2:49 pm
sounds like you need to elope!
By
spazzy, at 9:58 pm
Yeah, just think your birthdays can only get better :)
I personally think the farting thing is funny- although farting on Riff after you'd been together 2 weeks is crossing a line.
But farts never stop being funny.
By
tokenwoman, at 10:32 am
WOW! Okay i don't if i'm in shock about the events of the fact you remember them but then again they are so memorable.
Your b'day parties can only get better, think of it as a huge turn around for the next decade :-)
By
Doll Face, at 4:18 pm
You have had some less than perfect birthdays. Best to keep it small and quiet in my opinion. I think my 30th was the quietest birthday I've ever had. It's the birthday where you officially feel old.
July rocks!
By
Anonymous, at 9:44 am
I think it best if you tie your sister up in a cupboard somewhere.
I hope it goes well for you.
By
Steph, at 6:25 pm
Nah, don't go postponing your birthday, live it up..do what I did, disown your sister, it makes life easier..matter of fact, it is HER birthday today..her 30th at that..let it rip..have a great time :)
By
Cazzie!!!, at 9:11 pm
Ditch the sister and go to Stanthorpe!!!
I use to live in Stanthorpe but now reside in a warmer clime ~griN~
By
Scorpy, at 2:42 pm
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