Aint no going back
I slowly removed the foil cap, took my bottle opener from the drawer and prepared to open this glorious bottle of wine. Not a hugely expensive one, but not a cheapie one either, I was so looking forward to trying it as it had been years since I'd tasted it's cabernet savignon goodness.
It was a Sticks 2002 Cabernet Savignon, a wine from a life a long time past. It was the wine of choice for my wedding in fact.
Yes, boys and girls, I was once a married lass. Did the whole white dress, down the aisle, churchie wedding thing, big celebration too. He was a boy I met at my last work place. Outdoors type, loved to fish, surf, camp all the things that I enjoy really and we pretty much hit it off straight away. Yes, cliched from the start. We moved in together 2 months before the wedding, wedding happened, drank the wine, ate the cake, usual thing, and then took off on the honeymoon. Vietnam was lovely, had heaps of fun just eating and drinking and touring the countryside, pity the cracks were already appearing and it wasn't even 2 weeks after the wedding.
'I dont think I love you, and I dont think I ever did', pretty crap words to hear on your honeymoon, and even worse when you come home and he confesses it's all ok, he didn't mean it, he's sorry, lets try and sort stuff out. Enter 5 months of maintaining seperate sleep times, home times, and him working longer and longer hours.
'It's to help us save for a house' he said. Pity I knew he wasn't interested in buying a place and putting down roots.
'It's not me, it's you, you have anger management issues' he said. Counselling for 3 months yielded an apology and more professing of everything being fine.
'Lets buy a house, everything will be better if we buy a house.' Rom's hard earned savings go into a deposit for a monstrosity that she isn't too fussed on, but hopes will make him happy. More long work hours, seperate bed-times, seperate beds and until one day it came again.
'I can't do this anymore, I dont love you and dont think I ever did.' More counselling, he gets packed off to his parents place for 2 weeks before Christmas. Rom lives on her own with her dog until she has enough, she packs her gear and goes back to her parents and tells him to live on his own until he sorts himself out. No sorting out seems to happen, and the guilt starts to set in on his behalf. One day while picking up her mail, she leaves him a note. Frantic phonecall from him in tears later asking if she is serious that she wants a divorce, it's over. They meet for coffee, he begs to find out why. Can he really be that stupid? Apparently so.
Since then I used the meagre amount he let me have as a divorce payout (with what he was earning, he could afford the solicitor) to buy a little house for myself an my dog and went back to my gardening, growing my own vegies and all the other things I loved. He moved off to the UK to have another life over there, and things moved on. It was the BWS 20% off wine sale that brought me to this bottle of wine, and with it came all the thoughts and feelings from the pass. Hurt, a little anger, relief when it was over, and finally contentment. I love my place, and where I am at at the moment. Leaving him was the best thing I could ever have done, I wouldn't have my house, I wouldn't have met the fella in my house and so many other 'ripple' type things would not have occured. No regrets whatsoever.
Oh, and the wine tasted like crap. Guess it shows you just can't go back to the past. ;-)
It was a Sticks 2002 Cabernet Savignon, a wine from a life a long time past. It was the wine of choice for my wedding in fact.
Yes, boys and girls, I was once a married lass. Did the whole white dress, down the aisle, churchie wedding thing, big celebration too. He was a boy I met at my last work place. Outdoors type, loved to fish, surf, camp all the things that I enjoy really and we pretty much hit it off straight away. Yes, cliched from the start. We moved in together 2 months before the wedding, wedding happened, drank the wine, ate the cake, usual thing, and then took off on the honeymoon. Vietnam was lovely, had heaps of fun just eating and drinking and touring the countryside, pity the cracks were already appearing and it wasn't even 2 weeks after the wedding.
'I dont think I love you, and I dont think I ever did', pretty crap words to hear on your honeymoon, and even worse when you come home and he confesses it's all ok, he didn't mean it, he's sorry, lets try and sort stuff out. Enter 5 months of maintaining seperate sleep times, home times, and him working longer and longer hours.
'It's to help us save for a house' he said. Pity I knew he wasn't interested in buying a place and putting down roots.
'It's not me, it's you, you have anger management issues' he said. Counselling for 3 months yielded an apology and more professing of everything being fine.
'Lets buy a house, everything will be better if we buy a house.' Rom's hard earned savings go into a deposit for a monstrosity that she isn't too fussed on, but hopes will make him happy. More long work hours, seperate bed-times, seperate beds and until one day it came again.
'I can't do this anymore, I dont love you and dont think I ever did.' More counselling, he gets packed off to his parents place for 2 weeks before Christmas. Rom lives on her own with her dog until she has enough, she packs her gear and goes back to her parents and tells him to live on his own until he sorts himself out. No sorting out seems to happen, and the guilt starts to set in on his behalf. One day while picking up her mail, she leaves him a note. Frantic phonecall from him in tears later asking if she is serious that she wants a divorce, it's over. They meet for coffee, he begs to find out why. Can he really be that stupid? Apparently so.
Since then I used the meagre amount he let me have as a divorce payout (with what he was earning, he could afford the solicitor) to buy a little house for myself an my dog and went back to my gardening, growing my own vegies and all the other things I loved. He moved off to the UK to have another life over there, and things moved on. It was the BWS 20% off wine sale that brought me to this bottle of wine, and with it came all the thoughts and feelings from the pass. Hurt, a little anger, relief when it was over, and finally contentment. I love my place, and where I am at at the moment. Leaving him was the best thing I could ever have done, I wouldn't have my house, I wouldn't have met the fella in my house and so many other 'ripple' type things would not have occured. No regrets whatsoever.
Oh, and the wine tasted like crap. Guess it shows you just can't go back to the past. ;-)
posted by Rom at
11:59 am
2 Comments:
That was a very interesing read, and it sounded like a bit of a nightmare at the time. Good thing you have no regrets because it is easy to wonder "what if?".
By
Anonymous, at 2:44 pm
Sing it sister! A wise woman once told me that it hurts to move on but you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going forward, coz ya can't ever go back. Lots of cheesy internet ((((hugs)))) coming your way.
Excellent blog post by the way.
By
Anonymous, at 6:44 pm
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